License to Santa
The Origin Story of the Bureau of Kringle Regulation
Seasons Greetings Santa!
Gather round, while I tell you an origin story.
Back in 2011, on a business trip to NYC, I went to a certain block in a quiet industrial neighborhood under darkness of night. On one side of the street, a variety of moving trucks were parked, their doors open at the back. There were no boxes being loaded or pallets unloaded from these trucks. Lights and laughter escaped from the cracks in the back doors. After stepping inside, you might compete in a quiz game show (or just watch), eat ramen prepared in front of you, watch a film projected on the far wall, or even, swim in a heated make shift swimming pool in the back of a U-Haul rental truck in the middle of a freezing winter in NYC! (Yes, I actually stripped down and swam in the back of a moving truck hooked up to a water hydrant and a hot water on demand heater! How could I pass up the opportunity?)
This was pure Cacophony! It was delightful! I wanted to bring this idea to Los Angeles and create a Los Angeles Lost Horizon. I met the founders, and it took a few years, but we did bring the Lost Horizon Night Market to LA. Under the 4th street bridge, we had a mad tea party, 80s glamour shots, a human “car wash” experience, secret comedy club, and a giant neon clown marking the spot.
In 2014, I wanted to bring this idea to Santacon. Santa is always looking for new ideas to do at the park stops, that are unobtrusive to the everyday eye, easy to set up, and wrap up if we needed a quick get away. (Anyone remember the helicopters in Pan Pacific Park and how we escaped onto the yellow school buses disappearing into the miracle mile?) I also wanted to recruit some fresh cacophony energy. So I put the following notice in the newsletter:
Santa Cheese (below, left) replied.
Maybe you were there that year. We took the metro and got off at Vermont & Sunset and took a short walk to Barnsdall Park. At the top of this park were reindeer games, and one, perhaps out of place, rented box truck with the back open. It was the newly minted, Bureau of Kringle Regulation.
The Bureau of Kringle Regulation is the regulatory body for Santa, and in order to receive your “License to Make Merry” you had to prove your ability to be Santa by taking several tests.
“Santa sobriety” walk a straight line on a candy cane patterned piece of tape
“Whip the reindeer” (to make them go faster & your unique whipping style)
“Name that reindeer” guess the name of the reindeer when shown a picture
Coal stocking speed test on how much real coal you can put into a stocking…
After passing these tests, you got your picture taken and were given a printed “License to Make Merry” card. At the height of all this cacophony a pickup truck driven by a Bureau member slowly crept up the road. Santas began to get out of the way when they realized, it was FILLED WITH SNOW! Santas rushed the truck and a “regulated” snowball fight broke out.
This idea was loved by all who Santa. So Santa Cheese has continued running the Bureau of Kringle Regulation each year and is back for 2021!
The Bureau of Kringle Regulation is back with their bureaucratic shenanigans and are vaxxed out the wazoo! Anyone who donates to Santa will receive a link to submit your name and photo for your ID.
Donate now! Any level! Donations cover the cost of snow, Santa licenses, and reindeer game supplies.
$25 level donation
$10 level donation
$100 level donation
(If you have already donated or have a paid subscription, Santa will be in touch with the link.) You can pick up your ID from Santa Cheese at the event along with a special surprise!
THE LAST DAY TO REQUEST AN ID IS SUNDAY DECEMBER 12TH
It’s experiences like this that keep me making Santacon happen. Santacon 2021 will begin at Noon on Saturday, December 18th in a downtown location near a metro stop. Buy your Metro Tap card before you arrive at the first stop.
You may already be Santa. HO!
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